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May 2001-November 2003

[Jeffrey Byron]


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May 4th 2001
Top Ten Things That Have Changed in Port Charles with Karen Gone
10) Always two leftover corndogs on Corndog night in the cafeteria
9) Gabriella discovered Joe virtually unhousebroken
8) Scott free from that niggling guilt
7) Alan Quartermaine never did any line dancing
6) Lucky for us, Jagger never moved to San Francisco
5) Eve advertising on-line for "best-friend"
4) Stripping still popular in Port Charles
3) Just one set of locks on hospital pharmeceutical cabinets
2) Jason doesn't remember not remembering Karen
And the number one thing that has changed in Port Charles with Karen gone:
1) With Karen gone, Joe is the weakest link!

"Port Charles Population 19,000 ...{{{}}}... Population 18,999." - Sign at City Limits

We put in our requests for the Nurses' Ball early so TPTB would have a chance to peruse them before they started writing the show. And we're announcing our brand spanking new Nurses' Balls Web Page at http://ghnurses.20m.com/

April 20th 2001
Our Top Ten Ideas For The 2001 Nurses' Ball
10) Edward does "Those Were The Good Old Days" from Damn Yankees
9) Tony Jones does "Tiny Bubbles" with a bunch of girls in Hawaiian grass skirts
8) Lucy does "After You Get What You Want You Don't Want It" from There's No Business like Show Business
7) Jamal and Alison do "Shall We Dance" from The King and I
6) Let Elton do all the decor
5) Chris and Eve do "How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Love You When You Know I've Been a Liar All My Life" from Royal Wedding
4) Luke and Laura do "A Couple of Swells" from Easter Parade
3) The Katherine Bell Memorial Buffet
2) Sonny does "I Enjoy Being a Girl" in a Carmen Miranda outfit
And our number one idea for the 2001 Nurses' Ball:
1) All Performance - No Plot

"Anything can happen." -- Lucy Coe

Our preference for old musicals is showing. And some of these are repeat requests because we haven't gotten what we asked for yet.

Tracy's Last Usenet Note (Nominated for the Coveted Peep Award)
June 22nd 2001
Re — GH/PC: Nurse's Ball 2001 - A blustery day

*Bluster* *Bluster* *AARGH!* Picture Lucy Van Pelt...little blue dress... dark hair... fists raised.... "I know when I've been insulted! I know when I've been insulted! Or Edward Quartermaine waving his finger... "You... deviants!" We have been completely, and royally dissed to the point of proud defiance by The Powers That Be. They read that number one reason on our Nurses Ball Top Ten List, stomped it into a sharp pointy stick and drove it through out hearts. "All performance. No plot"

Aside from cancelling the Ball, their revenge is complete. They didn't even pick up a one of our suggestions.

That said we do not believe this was the worse Nurses' Ball ever. The performances deserve compliments despite the overly dramatic structure. Of course we are supremely disappointed that one Elton Herbert was not used at all for this event which screamed for his unique touch. Oh what he could have done with that roof. Didn't mind the roof, in fact we wondered why they hadn't saved loads of rental on the Versaille room every year. Inclement weather allowing. Though we also wondered why helicopters didn't need to land on that pad during the emergency.

First performance... We were already wondering well If there's this big emergency then whose going to watch the performances... whose going to give them? Who will care? Well, thank goodness for Lila's keen taste. After the usual interminable wait after the so called opeing of the ball, it was a treat to have John Ingle do "It's in his kiss" with some of our favorite beefy cast members and their feather fans. John Jay York excels at this sort of thing. Good they ended on that up note, or you could have heard the sound of an extremely large television, cables ripping from the wall, little alarm clock tumbling off it as it was dumped unceremoniously out the nearest window, open or not.

The next part of the Ball was the PC airing. Where Serena's disappearance was flung at us to prevent Lucy or anyone else from enjoying this social night. Second performance. Ion Overman as Gabriella Garza doing "Let Me Entertain You." What the devil was the fuss about? That's how the song and performance from "Gypsy" is supposed to go. What were the dullards expecting? You go Gabby, girl! Work it. Vampire influence aside, if Joe can't handle this much heat too sad for him. Bet you Chris can catch it.

Third performance, Alison, Jamal and Livvie do "Love Potion Number Nine". Well, Allison and Jamal's moves and characterization were good, Livvie could have used a few more days of rehearsal... and none of them were really even attempting to carry musical notes, or anything like that. But it was cute and it at least looked like something from an amateur talent show.

Fourth performance... don't blink but Victor Collins did do a stand-up comedy routine as he covered for an offstage Lucy. We can't swear to the quality of the jokes only having caught snippets of one-liners, but we're counting this as an act anyhow.

GH next, Fifth performance. Complaints about this. Mac has to leave why? Bloody every other person down in the ER. We think Taggert could have managed without Mac's unofficial talents more than easily. Lame. Though we see Felicia is addled, but not blind. "Nice Chest," indeed. Okay, throw Luke in there instead. Way, down upon the Swanee River, seguing into "That Old Time Rock and Roll". Not very inspired, though the performances were passable.

Sixth performance, the three unoccupied GH Teens. Uh... where was Liz? Didn't even occur to us to miss her until this second. Anyhow... Three seemed like too many for the Drifters "Up on the Roof" number. Should have been a Gia/Nickolas number. The other two carried their weight. (Well, she does it with her looks, but why shouldn't she?) but Nickolas was great, voice-wise, style wise and just being a little hottie. Lucky... well... hmmm... yawn. Again, at least the song was appropriate to the occasion.

Seventh official performance... Dara performs "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Bless her little heart. Do they keep her on recurring status as world's losing-ist D.A. so they're assured of one decent voice at each year's Nurses' Ball.

Best musical number wasn't even in the Ball, "Nothing's going to Harm You" by Steven Sondheim from "Sweeney Todd", sung by Stuart Damon was brilliant, lovely, touching... and is going to make a great sound byte.

Ball sponsor was annoyingly unidentified, but Stefan was doing his poofy best to shell out the Cassadine bucks, so we'll give it to him.

One final note, Maurice Benard... Mr. Sonny "I'm too cool for the stage" Corinthos, you will never, ever be off the hook until you appear, preferably in drag and with fruit on your head in that Nurses' Ball. It will happen!

T 'n' T
Wishing we had Jack's super vamp strength to throw around Nurses' Ball writers.
Nurses Ball - http://www.ghnurses.20m.com

I’m a little rusty at this but I thought I’d throw up a Top Ten. Silly me, I thought A.J. showed up at the gym to apply for a job, but no. So what can he do?

6/10/02
Top Ten Jobs A.J. Might Try
10) L & B Gopher (or is that Nik’s job?)
9) Short Order Cook at Kelly’s
8) GH orderly
7) Something Glam in the Roscoe Mob
6) ELQ Janitor
5) Photographer (no qualifications necessary)
4) New “Face of Deception”
3) Bus Boy at the No Name
2) Port Charles Underground Tour Guide
And the number one job A.J. might try:
1. Stripping

6/11/02
Top Ten Dinner Conversation Topics at the Corinthos’ as Zander lays bleeding at GH
10. Carly
9. Sonny luvs Carly
8. Carly
7. Everybody luvs Mikey
6. Carly luvs Sonny
5. How sharp are the knives?
4. Carly luvs Sonny and Jason
3. Sonny luvs to cook for Carly
2. Who will show Jason how to use utensils yet again?
and the number one topic of dinner conversation at the Corinthos’
1. You guessed it: Carly.

No one has to understand us. – Carly
I sure as heck don’t.

6/14/02
Top Ten Gift Ideas for Alexis’ (Probably Never Gonna Happen) Baby Shower

10) Teeny-tiny briefcase
9) Bullet proof crib
8) His or her own Cassadine Ring (or is that a traditional baptismal gift?)
7) Little-bitty cement overshoes.
6) Box of Cigars from Luke
5) Baby’s first power suit
4) Lingerie from Stefan (That’s the gift he always gives.)
3) A 500 page essay from Kristina on the emotional impact of child rearing.
2) Leticia
And the number one gift idea for Alexis’ baby shower
1) Ned’s last name (That’s Ashton, not Quartermaine)

Well, it’s almost that time of year again… and it ain’t gonna happen. No Nurses’ Ball. Perhaps they couldn’t find a local criminal willing to underwrite it this year. None-the-less, this is what I would like to have seen.

6/17/02
Top Ten Ideas for the 2002 Nurses’ Ball Which Will Never Be

10) Elton organizes the whole shindig and sings the Star Spangled Banner
9) PC’s Alison sings, My Special Angel, or Earth Angel, or Teen Angel... oh, heck… a medley
8) Dara sings, Taking a Chance on Love (Saw Vanita do it on stage once. She was great.)
7) Nicolas Cassadine: Has to be a Prince tune – Little Red Corvette, maybe
6) Luke & Laura duet: I Remember It Well from Gigi
5) Nedley sings in leather pants: Does it really matter what?
4) Alan and Monica sing Children Will Listen from Into the Woods
3) Tony sings Scarlet Ribbons (Just ‘cause I like that song)
2) Edward: Those Were the Good Old Days from Damn Yankees
And the number one idea for the Nurses’ Ball which will never be
1) http://muppetlabs.com/~davidj/tnt/creative/graphics/soncarm.jpg

“It was memorable.” – Jason Quartermaine after the first Nurse’s Ball which, of course, he doesn't remember
General Hospital – Where Nurses don’t have balls, and doctors don’t either.

7/25/02
Top Ten Signs Roy is Really Working for a Law Enforcement Agency
10. When Alexis asks if he's a gangsta, he doesn't say he isn't
9. Watches Dirty Harry films every night
8. Really wants to "frisk" Felicia
7. Never checks his apartment for bugs
6. The letters FBI are scratched on the butt of the gun he's toting
5. Wears boxers not briefs
4. Spending money like there's no tomorrow or taxes
3. Callous disregard for Zander's physical well-being
2. Has the same telltale obsession with Sonny that Garcia and Taggert have
And the number one sign that Roy is working for a law enforcement agency
1. He loves doughnuts

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